Clean chat about adult spankings
Nothing makes correcting a child more frustrating than to have him constantly “talk back” or offer a defense to everything you say. A wise mom will measure her words carefully when responding to back talk so that parental authority doesn’t dissolve in a verbal tug of war.
That’s because you are each different, just like everyone in the world is different from each other.” Kids like to pressure parents by comparing them to other parents.That was often enough to make her consider her response more carefully.She also took the unconventional approach of allowing her children to leave the room if she was yelling.Here are suggestions from parenting experts on how to keep behavioral problems from turning you into a screaming lunatic, and how to recover from it on the (hopefully rare) occasions when you do yell.When Hoefle’s children, now ages 19 to 24, were younger and she felt herself losing her temper, she would put a hard candy in her mouth or look at a sweet picture of her child.Yelling alone is not always damaging, although the surprise of a sudden change in volume can cause a child to be fearful or anxious.
It’s often what is said that is harmful, according to Deborah Sendek, program director for the Center for Effective Discipline (CED).
Mom Response: “Even if I trust you, which I do, my main job is to keep you safe.
So in this case, it’s not about trusting you, it’s about keeping you safe and/or looking out for what you need.
“If you find what I’m saying disrespectful, you have permission to leave, because nobody should be subjected to that,” said Hoefle, whose book advises parents to resist the urge to nag and control their kids.
“It set up a dynamic where people could get up and walk away and the person yelling would stop and say, ‘I’m sorry.’ My kids would say, ‘I know we didn’t do what you asked, we got distracted, we’re sorry.’ Just the respect goes a long way in reestablishing order.” Figure out when, and why, you’re most often losing your temper, Hoefle said.
Now, a study out of the University of Pittsburgh says yelling at teens and tweens — particularly when it involves cursing or insults — can be just as harmful as hitting. “Discipline implies setting limits and boundaries,” said Vicki Hoefle, mother of six in Middlebury, Vt., and author of “Duct Tape Parenting.” “But the way we do it is, ‘I’m going to punish you when you do something I don’t like.’ It’s a completely wasted moment.” No one wants to yell at their kids, and we usually feel bad when it happens.